The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness
- Lamentations 3:22-23
I guess it could have been called parenthood without parents as I don't have either of my parents. This post is kind of divided in 2, with focus on both the longing for a physical parents, but also growing up without a parent who modeled how to follow God. These are two very different sides, but I feel as a new parent they can sometimes leave the same voids.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
- Philippians 4:6
When I got pregnant with my first I started googling (for some reason that's my go -to source of information). And I would read about all these women sharing all of these precious moments with their mother, and having lost my mother several years ago that really hurt. But after a few tears I brushed it of and moved on. But through my pregnancy and the first months of parenthood I kept coming back to this. Women talking about a girl needs her mom for this journey, and sometimes I couldn't help feeling sorry for myself in these situations. Looking back I see how the Lord provided for me through my first pregnancy and sometimes I didn't even notice it. He gave me an extremely patient OB, who was never surprised with my craziness. He provided an amazing church family that was there through so much more than I could ever ask for, he gave me an amazing doula who loves Him too, who was there through a very rough labor, I have loving family and very patient and supportive husband. But most of all. I have Him. All of Him. But when my daughter was crying I still couldn't help yearning for a physical parent to come and comfort both of us. It's only now looking back I understand he did comfort me. He helped me through every rough spot, he thought me to cry out to Him for help, and he answers. Through the first few weeks of my second pregnancy, I feel I have been better and faster to turn to Him. Honestly I have been struggling with keeping up with reading my devotional, with keeping a journal and being any kind of good student of His words. Between chasing a 9 months old, and morning sickness I didn't have much left in me, but he has still answered my feeble cries. He is the one giving me strength to get up every time my daughter needs me and he is the one blessing me with patience I do not posses. This morning me and my daughter (and our little miracle in my womb) sit and listen to worship music and we feel how much we need Him and how much He loves us. God didn't take my parents from me. He didn't punish me. God gave me the best parent. The parent with the perfect love. He gave me Himself.
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb a reward. - psalms127:3
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
- Deuteronomy 6:6-7
My mother was an amazing mother, she loved me, she put me ahead of herself and she tried her best to keep me safe and happy. But my mother didn't raise me to follow the Lord. I don't doubt she believed he existed, but she didn't seek Him as I want my children and myself to do. And she didn't always understand the people who did. This has on some aspects been harder on me than loosing her. There was a sense of me betraying her with my choices, as I knew many of them she wouldn't approve of, a free with or understand. This has also taken months if not years of praying, and seeking God to come to terms with. How could I honour my parents and still go against what they believed and how they lived. I have been blessed enough that God provided a set of spiritual parents who also took the role of physical parents. , my aunt was there when I picked out my wedding dress. My uncle taught me to trust a father figure. They both did a lot to make me feel good and that was amazing, but the most important thing they both did was make me seem God and not people. People are never perfect, Christian or not. So we need to look to God for guidance not each other. And once again I learned God gave me Him. That being sad, I wish and pray to live a long life seeing our children grow into Godly people. But I hope to teach them that in the end it's not about me and their dad or their siblings. It's about looking to God.
"Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons. -
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.